#3 Out of Control

Have you ever been in a situation that was completely out of your control? Like the only way something would happen was if God stepped in and if He didn’t then nothing would happen ……. Absolutely out of your control. No amount of humanly power or strength can do anything! You have to fully and completely give it to God. More than 100% give it to Him if that’s even possible. That act of letting go is heavy, hard, breathtaking, seemingly impossible but peaceful and quiet and beautiful all at the same time. It is not easy. But when you are at a point where there is literally nothing you can do but rely on God. He. Is. There.

In what feels like the pit of unknown everything, He is there waiting. Waiting for me.

Waiting for you.

Waiting for our heavy.

Waiting to give our breath back.

No longer holding it in because of being afraid if we let it go, we might not get it back again.

I had my beautiful baby boy in my arms, and I didn’t know if I would get to keep him. He was my tinier than a mustard seed of Hope that I had buried deep down in my heart. He was here but there was so much unknown. I couldn’t breathe most days for fear of the heartache and utter desolation I would have if he left me. My next step was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I had to let go. But not let go in the sense that you might think. I gave my baby, the missing piece of my heart, my prayer that I prayed quietly for over ten years……. I gave him back to God. I gave him to the One I knew could do for him that I could not. To the One who gave him to me.

I remember thinking about Sarah and Moses’s mom in the Bible and how they had to give their sons back to God. I am in no way a great person, but I know God. I knew He was the only One who could step in and perform a miracle. I prayed that day and gave God my son because I knew my baby boy was God’s first. What God had for him I could not stand in the way of. I knew God’s plan for him would be perfect…… even if it wasn’t what I wanted. My love for him was greater than any potential heartache I might have. I thanked God every day for letting me be his mom even if it wasn’t forever. That my friends is the hardest and most love and most peace I have ever felt in my life. For the first time in my life, I Let Go and Gave It All To God.

I cannot express profoundly enough how I felt. It was a feeling of PEACE that I have NEVER in my life felt. I knew I had to be “ok” with whatever God’s decision was. I looked at each day with my wonderful blessing as thankful and grateful for that day. One day at a time. God truly does give us enough grace, peace and strength for each day.

One day at a time.

One. Day. At. A. Time.

It’s a process.

It’s not easy.

It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the most rewarding, most growth, most peace and most loved I’ve ever felt.

Give. It. Completely. To. God.

You will NOT regret it.

Love & Blessings,

Amanda