#20 – Our First… Maybe Only… Thanksgiving with Our Baby

The holidays were getting closer and closer, and we still didn’t know what was or was not going to happen with our baby boy.

Would he go? Would he stay? Would my heart break into million pieces of dust? Would we get to be his forever family? Would he be, ok? Would we be, ok? Would I be, ok?

I had no answers for any of these questions. I heard nothing from God….. again. We had to keep moving forward.

Our family tradition for Thanksgiving was going to Asheville, NC to the Biltmore. And this year was no different……. except that we got to bring the most perfect baby boy with us.

I trying to focus on the “now” and enjoy every moment that I had with him. It may be the only Thanksgiving we get with him. I knew those terrifying, cold, hard facts. Even though I knew God was in control of this situation, I am still human.

My mind and my emotions played out many different scenarios like it was a movie screen……. And I was in the audience watching. Watching what my life might or might not look like in the end. It was hard.

We let the caseworker know we were leaving for vacation and had the approval. We had a color scheme for our outfits for pictures. We were ready.

Ready to make as many memories as possible, just in case.

Ready to enjoy this time as a family of six.

Ready to capture everything…..every smile, every laugh, every bit of the joy and love our baby boy brought to our family.

We took our family pictures with all of the kids and my parents. They were perfect. They had so much real love in them. I was so happy……if even for one week. I was so thankful for the chance to get to be the mama with the baby boy.

Oh God please don’t let this be our only chance. Our only Thanksgiving. Our only memory.

Please give us more time. Please give us more memories.

That was my heart’s cry to God. But nevertheless, it’s Your will and not mine and I have to be ok with it……..

**** The Blessing by Elevation Worship****

“May His favor be upon you

And a thousand generations

And your family and your children

And their children, and their children….”

Love & Blessings,

Amanda

Our 1st Thanksgiving 2020