#2 – When it Started

It started really over a decade ago…… but we didn’t know how or when it would end. We didn’t know who and what it would entail. But we were on the journey…even though we didn’t know it yet…. and we wouldn’t until ten years later. And wow what a journey it has been. Our journey has had twists, turns, ups, downs, stops, starts, pauses, wait times…… we’ve went backwards and forwards, side to side, supernaturally fast and painfully slow. It’s been happy, sad, angry, mad and more peace than I’ve ever known, more heartache than anyone should bare, more joy than my heart can contain and so much more love that my heart is bursting. I have seen the hand of God move in my life like never before. I have felt the deafening silence of God and wondered where He was. I have looked back over the past ten years and thought, “Wow God, I see now.” I understand now…. but I didn’t then. I wasn’t supposed to, and I somewhat see why now. My journey is not all roses and beauty. It has grace given and received. It has growth, lessons learned the hard way and the easy way. There are bumps and bruises and breaks and scariness that broke me to my core. The endless amount of tears I cried alone and tears of joy I could not contain. The peace of God that surpassed all of my human understanding and carried me when I could not stand or breathe. The faithfulness of God to know me and love me and the secret desires of my heart. The pieces that were too fragile to share and broken beyond repair. Having the faith to move mountains and then sometimes faith smaller than a mustard seed. The “why’s” and “why not’s” that went unanswered….and some still are. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, are all apart of my journey. At times, my journey hasn’t made any sense and I’ve felt lost and spinning in place. And then, I’ve felt strong and confident and ready to take on the world. This journey ebbs and flows …. and it’s still ebbing and flowing. It has not stopped. It will not stop. My life is a journey that God has planned out. I’m still living my journey, and I’m learning to find joy in my journey through all the happiness, sadness, disappointments, waiting and joy unspeakable. As I look back on my journey thus far, I do not think I’d change any of it. It has brought me to where I am today and made me who I am. I think that was God’s point all along. I can’t describe how thankful I am that He can see what’s up in front of me. And on the days, I don’t have the strength to keep going, I know He’s carrying me.

Love & Blessings,

Amanda