#14 - The Day I Gave My Baby Back to God

This is a day I will never forget. It is still as real today as it was 2 years ago. The day was coming when my baby was leaving for the first time. There were no promises either way as to what was going to happen afterwards. Would he go? Would he stay? I didn’t know but I knew HAD to be ok with it either way. Why? Because I had been praying God’s will over him from the day I laid eyes on him, and I could not and would not stand in the way of that.

It was a Saturday morning. I was snuggling my boy and thanking God for every second that I had with him. I didn’t know what was going to happen next and I didn’t know how to prepare for that. It hit me. He is not yours. He is God’s. He is God’s first no matter what. Right then and there, while laying with the most beautiful baby boy in all the world, I gave him back to God. I gave him to the One I knew would protect him, love him, help him and be with him forever…. Even if I was not. I told God I knew he was His and thanked Him for this season of being his mama. I hugged and held onto my son for as long as I could that morning. And in that moment God was holding onto me because I am His too. An overwhelming peace consumed me in that second. I cannot truly explain the feeling I had. It did not make ANY sense, but I knew it was from God.

That day everything changed for me. I was no longer concerned with myself and my heart of walls. I was in a place of peace that can only be explained as God. Nothing else. I’m not saying I knew what was going to happen or not, because I definitely did not. But what I did know now was that it was going to be ok…. No matter what. And I had to be ok with that, and I was.

Two stories from the Bible came to mind that morning. The story of Moses and how his mother put him in a basket in the river and gave him back to God. Sarah and Abraham gave the son they’d waited so long for back to God as a sacrifice. God came through for both of them. He sent Moses back to his mom and provided a lamb sacrifice for Sarah. I am in no way comparing myself to these women of God, but I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, God would do the same for me and my son.

Even still, I gave my son back to God……and every day after that.

The song Surrounded and See A Victory by Elevation Worship was on repeat. I was, I am surrounded by God and His peace and presence never left. It kept me moving forward in spite of what we were being told.

In spite of what might happen.

In spite of the voices around me telling me “No”.

In spite of the war the devil was waging in my mind.

In spite of the never-ending season of waiting.

In spite of my heartache.

In spite of the “what ifs”.

In spite of me.

In spite of everything.

From that day forwarded I KNEW God was with me. He was fighting on my behalf, on behalf of my son.

“This is how I fight my battles; this how fight my battles”

“It may look like I’m surrounded but I’m surrounded by YOU!”

~ Elevation Worship

Love & Blessings,

Amanda

*pictures of Isaiah - September 2020